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Self-appraisal. A Dr’s Appointment. A Memorial Service.
These three things were on my mind all weekend, and comprised my schedule for today.
On Friday my boss provided me with a copy of my performance appraisal – something that I knew was coming the last couple weeks – and the first thing that needs to be done is the self-appraisal. She asked that I complete that and return it to her by Wednesday. My workload schedule is fairly light at this time, so carving some time Monday and Tuesday to concentrate on this should not be a problem. I spent about two and a half hours today reflecting on and reviewing my time tracking notes for the past year to identify accomplishments and milestones that meet the objectives stated on the appraisal form.
Today’s schedule also included an appointment with Dr Rothman, one that’s been on the books for several months now. He’s the one that performed the vitrectomy for my detached retina back in July ’09. Today’s appointment is a follow-up visit that is necessary because there is still a little bit of vitreous fluid settled between the retina and the eye wall. After reviewing the picture of today’s scan of my eye, Dr Rothman seemed happy with the progress. He proceeded to show me the snapshot from today beside the snapshot from my last visit. Based on what I saw (my eyes were still dialated and I wasn’t wearing my contacts or glasses) I queried him to see if he agreed with my thought that it was a significant improvement, and he did agree. I have had several follow-up visits in the past 19 months, and he has always seemed to be cautionary about complete clearing of that fluid, and today he seemed a little more optimistic, although not quite as enthusiastic I felt about it – so maybe he was just remaining his usual cautiously optimistic self. None the less, I’ll take – I was (still am) excited upon leaving the office. Ever since I had the surgery, I would spend some time, almost daily, closing my left eye and force my right eye to focus and observe how good the vision is in this eye that has been traumatized over the past couple years. Reflecting on those self-imposed tests, I realize that the right eye has shown some improvement, and I guess it has been so gradual over the last several weeks that I could not recognize the improvement from one day to the next, but now that I think about it what I see with my right eye today compared to what I remember a few weeks ago, it is a noticeable improvement.
My self-appraisal was something I knew was coming because it is an annual event at work, and like I said before my boss told me a couple weeks ago that she would be getting it to me. The Dr’s appointment today has been on my schedule for several months – since my last appointment with Dr Rothman. Compared to those two items, the memorial service tonight was a last second addition to today’s schedule.
Jacque called me at work Friday afternoon to tell me about Matt’s death. One thing that was strange about the phone call is that she called me on my work phone from her work phone – it wasn’t a cell-to-cell call – and being the news that it was, IM’ing the news to me was not appropriate. Matt had some legal issues the last couple years, and apparently things were coming to a head, and surprisingly to everyone, including this own family, Matt took his own life. Whenever there’s a death, the closer you are to the deceased, the more one tends to reflect on the life of deceased and the legacy left behind. In the case of a suicide, the reflection takes on the additional perspective of self-appraisal. Did I miss some signs? Is there something I could have done differently that could have prevented these events? I haven’t had much direct dealings with Matt in recent days; maybe I should have been a little more assertive in our friendship. If we weren’t in choir on Sunday mornings, Jacque & I sit with her father towards the back of the church – just a couple rows behind Matt & his mother. During the welcome time we’d shake hands & share a brief greeting. On Wednesday nights, Matt would come up to church dinner with his mother & father – on the nights that I made it in from work in time to eat in the dinning room I would usually see Matt & his father finishing up and heading out.
The service itself was wonderful. The past two Minister of Students were both in attendance, as Matt was heavily involved in the youth department, especially helping/chaperoning on mission trips each year, and each related very encouraging stories of their relationships with Matt. Along with several other friends & family members that shared humourous stories, the top highlight of the night for me was the reading of a letter from Aaron, a young man that came through the youth department during his high school years. He is currently serving in the US Navy, stationed in Hawaii, which prevented him from being in attendance tonight. In his stead, he composed a very eloquent letter about his relationship with Matt and the influence Matt had on his life, and Aaron asked his mother to read the letter during the ‘open-mic’ time of the service. How excellent it was. Matt will be missed by many folks, but, as was repeated throughout the night, may we all be a little more like Matt and have a servant’s heart in our day-to-day living.
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